They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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