I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
