What did we do last night that was yellow?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
