I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
