genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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