Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
