He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just had sex on a roof
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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