Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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