he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
