Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
