someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
