the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
