I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
