when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
