she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
