I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
