I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
