You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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