everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
