Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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