he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
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I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
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