For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
