Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Randomize
