9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
