idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
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I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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