Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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