Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The uberlube is also flammable
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
