please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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