his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
