420 ftw
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
