what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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