Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
