i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
