Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Enjoy the penises
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
