can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
