I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
