I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
