Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
