i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
