i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I smell stomach acid.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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