shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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