I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
