Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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