the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Mom said you looked used
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
