Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
