Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
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Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
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This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
its liver damage thursday
Randomize