She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
