If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
