How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
