I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
