one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
