Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
