Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
