He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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