we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
