First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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