You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
