Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
