....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
