Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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