He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
