Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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