We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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