I am in a vortex of obligation.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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