dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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