he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
