now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
