at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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