The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
