just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
